Thank you for the memories

"You're a wonderful daughter.

The holiday season brings to mind memories of you and the fun and happiness of past Christmases.

Sometimes it seems like it would be nice to go back and relive those days, but seeing the person you've become brings more joy than 'going back' ever could.

Thank you for the wonderful memories and for being such a wonderful daughter.

Merry Christmas with lots of love.

Mom and Mark."

I received this card from my mom and Mark last Christmas, December 2010, Mark's last Christmas with us. My mom said she and Mark both thought it was the perfect card for me and really described how they both felt.

At the time, I had no idea this would be Mark's last Christmas with us and I certainly didn't know it would be the last card I ever received from him. But reading it now, I think it was a great way for Mark to say goodbye to me and thank me for the "wonderful memories."

Although Mark was very sick and very weak last Christmas, he still made sure to get out of bed long enough to open gifts with us. He put on a happy face and acted like he felt fine. I'm sure this was more difficult for him than I could ever imagine.

He was so appreciative of every gift he opened. In true Mark fashion, he had to shake each box and guess what gift was likely inside before he would open it. He was really good at that, actually. He was almost always right.

He told Betsy and me that we have always given him such wonderful gifts and that some of the nicest clothes he owns came from us.

Before Mark went back to bed, I gave him a big hug. It was at that moment that I realized how skinny he actually was. His big beard and baggy blue pajamas had kept it hidden until then, but while we were hugging, I could feel every single bone in his body.

That was the last time that I saw Mark before his stroke. It was the last time I hugged him while he was still able to talk and use both of his arms to hug me back.

This is the first Christmas since I was eight years old without him. And even though it's been a year since he died, I am still having a hard time accepting what life is like without him. I still miss him every single day.

But as the card states, all I can do now is be thankful for all the wonderful memories and "the fun and happiness of past Christmases."